FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE* – FIRST AND SECOND STAGES

Understanding this process is critical support to engaging the tools and skills necessary to get what you want:  a thriving relationship.

Perhaps you’ve lived the MAGIC :

  • THIS COULD BE MY SOUL MATE!”
  • Talk, text, or be with him – He’s all I think about.
  • I have SOOO much energy around her.
  • We have so much in common!
  • When I’m with him, it’s like nothing else exists.  

IT’S SO MUCH FUN!

You feel so ALIVE!  You’ll do things you’d never before consider:

  • Taste strange foods
  • Call in sick to have a picnic
  • Stay up all night talking – and you still have energy for work or school the next day!!!

You insist it feels like you’ve known each other all your lives … you feel loved and respected for who you really are … never mind that this person couldn’t possibly know who you really are in 3 to 6 months.

Yes, that’s how long the Love Cocktail, as Pat Love, PhD, calls it lasts.  That funny feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re not in contact with your special person?  That’s withdrawal from the cocktail:  mostly Phenylethylamine (PEA) and Dopamine.

This big hit of the cocktail lasts 3-6 months.  That’s when you might say, “What on earth did I see in him/her?!”  OR, even with the fire dimmed, there’s enough good stuff to hold your interest…

STAGE 2 – APPRECIATION

If our STAGE 1 lenses are rose colored glasses, STAGE 2 has pink tinted lenses.  You’re still enthralled with your partner.  Your attention, more or less, is still on the things you really cherish – the thoughtful way he lets you know he’s thinking about you, the cool little things she does for you, the frequent connections:  affection, texts, emails, phone calls, initiating plans to be together, smiles, laughter, ….  You’re discovering each other’s foibles, annoying traits, things they talk about that you have NO interest in.  AND it still works, because your focus is still on the things that captured your attention – that made you decide that you want to spend time with this person – get to know him/her.

STAGE 3 is starting to creep in.  We’ll discuss this next week….

* Adapted from Solutions by Leslie Cameron-Bandler

TIL THEN, remember:

“The Greatest Gift We Give Ourselves and Each Other is the Quality of Our Attention!”   ~Richard Moss, M.D.

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