STAGES 3 & 4: RULED BY HABITS*

PRIORITIES SHIFT AS THE CHEMISTRY SHIFTS

You’ll remember STAGE 1:  that delightful, world-by-the-tail 3 to 6 months, driven by PEA and Dopamine.

And STAGE 2:  Chemistry starts to settle, feel calmer, focus continues to be on the rockin’ things about your partner.  18 to 36 months.

In STAGE 3, we’re getting rather hum drum – ruled again by routines that had dimmed in importance through rose colored glasses.  The great sex happens less often, fire doesn’t come so easily.  You’re used to each other’s ways of greeting … or departing, of going on and on about their day … or hardly sharing a thing.  You know when they’ll awaken, what makes them laugh.  You know all their little expressions – the endearing ones and the … others ☺.  You can set your clock by their schedule … or they are predictably unpredictable.  No surprises.

You look at them differently.  Or, in the busyness of your schedule, maybe you don’t REALLY look at them.  It doesn’t feel bad – just not as juicy.

WHAT’S HAPPENING IS subtle at this point, as you slip into STAGE 4:

  1. The very nature of the falling in love experience feels so natural, so easy, that it lulls us into believing that all we have to do is roll with it.
  2. Therefore, when “rolling with it” gets dull, confusing, or just lost the magic, we start looking at what’s wrong with our partner.  His spontaneity … or her as the planner that we so admired is annoying.  Little quirks we thought were so cute/sweet/attractive, are distasteful, if not disgusting.
  3. All those sweet attentions that let you know she’s always thinking about you, the helpful things he did without your asking – have slipped into the recesses of your mind – OUT OF YOUR AWARENESS.
  4. You are in EXPECTATION, STAGE 4.  What’s truly disgusting, is that most of us never learn that the way to prevent this downward trajectory is SHOCKINGLY SIMPLE!

NEXT WEEK:  CHOICE POINT

DIG A HOLE? … OR BUILD A HIGH RISE?

* Adapted from Solutions by Leslie Cameron-Bandler

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